The Screwed Tape Letters: More Like It – Sports Illustrated

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Guys, 
Thank you.  Thank you.  Thank you again.  Thank you more than that.  'Tis the season, and I'm going to live to see it.  Things couldn't be any better.  
I speak on behalf of all of Frogdom when I say it's great being able to watch TCU win without fear of falling into imminent cardiac arrest.  
Now, don't you feel better?  Isn't it the nicest feeling not to be gnawing your nails until the end of the Fourth Quarter–and in the case with Baylor, the last seventeen seconds.  
I have to pause.  I've suddenly found I have PTSD just thinking about it.  
Imagine how those Bears feel.  
With this letter of thanks, I am going to have to ask you to pardon Iowa State.  I also wrote them an epistle I was sure they would take to heart in which I politely requested that they not arrive on game day, that they forfeit the field, much like BYE did.  
They denied my request, damn them.  And it was with more than a little annoyance I saw men and women in red and yellow crowding the stands.  
I even allowed them an easy way out:  they should simply throw the game, roll over and play dead.  But it became clear when they put their first points on the board, this was not their plan.  Damn them further.  
And, as I told them directly, if they came to play, they'd get killed. 
And you did it.  You set them on fire and spat in the flames.  
Again, on behalf of Horned Frog fans everywhere:  thank you.  
Now, I have one small request.  It is perfectly obvious to all of us that this is the first time since Oklahoma that you showed exactly what you were capable of:  putting 62 points on the board against a defense that held Kansas State to 10.  Through all four quarters, you showed up, hitting and hard, both offensively and defensively.  It was a sight to behold.  
Give us more like it. 
That you are the best team in the nation I have no doubt.  Whatever it was that you did against Iowa State, replicate it against Kansas State this Saturday.  Then do it again at the Semifinal.  And then again at the National Championship.  And I've no doubt TCU will claim its first National Championship title since 1938.  
You can do it.  If you did it once, you can do it again.  
And please, no more nail biters.  Aside from the fact that nails gnawed to the cuticle are unsightly, I'm a guitar player, and a fingerstyle one at that.  I need them for the arpeggios.  
See you at the taco shop.  
With hands clasped, 
SI 
P.S., Next time you come in, make sure you get the smoked pulled pork in the queso.  It's amazing.  
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Tyler Brown graduated from TCU in 2007. After brief stints in Glasgow, Scotland and Durango, CO, he returned to Fort Worth where he currently resides. He is happy to be writing for KillerFrogs while working on a new novel.

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